The Selfish Phase of Prep

The Part of Prep No One Talks About

There is a phase of physique preparation that most people never speak about. Not because it is rare, but because it is uncomfortable to admit.

As prep intensifies, particularly in the later stages, the demands placed on both body and mind extend beyond the physical. The deficit deepens, fatigue accumulates, and the margin for error becomes increasingly narrow. These are expected stressors. They are discussed, anticipated, and often even glorified.

What is rarely addressed is the internal conflict that emerges when the level of focus required begins to feel at odds with the identity you have built outside of the pursuit.

When Identity and Pursuit Collide

For those who operate from a foundation of service, leadership, and responsibility, this conflict becomes more pronounced.

When your sense of self is anchored in providing value, supporting others, and maintaining a high standard for the people who rely on you, the narrowing of focus required in prep can feel misaligned with who you believe yourself to be.

This became the most confronting aspect of the preparation phase.

It was not the hunger, the food, the cardio, or even the physical fatigue. It was the persistent feeling that, despite maintaining output, standards, and communication, there was still a sense of falling short in areas that matter most.

Objectively, nothing had declined. Client outcomes remained strong. Communication was consistent. If anything, the culture and cohesion within the team improved throughout the process.

Subjectively, however, the experience felt very different.

The Impact Beyond Work

This conflict extended beyond work and into relationships. The relationship with my fiancé is built on communication, mutual understanding, and a shared pursuit of goals that most people would struggle to comprehend. It is a partnership grounded in growth, not comfort.

However, prep introduced what we refer to as a season of asymmetrical support, a period where one person must carry more so the other can execute at a higher level.

Toward the back end of prep, there was very little left to give. Energy was limited, patience was reduced, and the ability to show up in the way I expect of myself was not at its usual standard.

Moments that should have been about presence, connection, and shared experience instead felt like operating in a state of self-preservation and inward focus. For someone who takes pride in showing up fully across all areas of life, this felt deeply incongruent.

The Breaking Point of Perspective

There were moments where the level of internal focus required began to feel like a withdrawal from the very role that defines my identity. Moments where the logical decision appeared to be stepping away from prep entirely to reallocate energy back into serving others.

This is where most people either rationalise quitting or begin to detach from their responsibilities to justify continuing; neither of these options was acceptable.

Redefining the Goal

The resolution required a shift in how the goal itself was defined. If prep remained anchored solely in the outcome, the stage, the condition, or the result, then the internal conflict would persist. The cost would feel unjustified, and the sense of selfishness would continue to grow.

The only way forward was to anchor the pursuit in something beyond the outcome. Prep had to become an extension of the values that define leadership and identity.

It became a demonstration of what it means to follow through when conditions are no longer favourable. A demonstration of what it looks like to uphold standards when energy is low, emotions are heightened, and the easier option is to step away.

It became an opportunity to lead from the front, not in theory, but in practice.

Selfishness or Alignment?

This shift reframed the experience entirely.

The narrowing of focus was no longer interpreted as selfishness, but as a temporary and necessary phase of purposeful isolation. A period where attention is deliberately concentrated in order to execute at a level that cannot be achieved through divided focus.

There is an important distinction here; there is a difference between neglecting responsibilities under the guise of pursuit and temporarily narrowing focus while maintaining standards across all roles.

The former is avoidance. The latter is alignment; at no point should the pursuit of a personal goal justify a decline in the standard you hold for others. If standards drop, the pursuit is no longer aligned with the identity you are attempting to build.

Operating at the Edge of Identity

Even when standards are maintained, the internal conflict does not disappear.

It is possible to uphold every responsibility and still feel as though you are operating in a way that contradicts your values.

That feeling is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a signal that you are operating at the edge of your current identity.

Preparation, at its highest level, does not simply test discipline. It tests the stability of the identity underpinning that discipline.

What You Anchor To Matters

If your identity is anchored purely in external outputs, the physique, the stage, the result, then the stress of preparation will remain largely physical.

If your identity is anchored in values such as service, leadership, and responsibility, then preparation will challenge whether those values hold under pressure.

This is where real development occurs.

The objective is not to eliminate the feeling of selfishness. It is to understand it, contextualise it, and ensure that the pursuit remains aligned with something greater than the outcome itself.

When the Cost Feels Too High

When a goal is anchored only in the result, the process becomes fragile. Any increase in cost creates disproportionate resistance. When the goal is anchored in values, the process becomes stable. The same stressors remain, but their meaning changes.

If a goal requires everything from you, it must stand for more than the outcome it produces.

Without that depth, there will come a point where the cost feels too high, not physically, but psychologically; that is where most people break.

Expansion Through Pressure

The phase that feels the most isolating and internally conflicted is often the one that determines whether you reach the level you set out to achieve. Not because it is the hardest physically, but because it demands a deeper level of alignment between what you do and why you do it.

Preparation is not simply a test of how much discomfort you can tolerate. It is a test of whether your identity can sustain the behaviours required when everything in you begins to question them. What this phase also reveals is that it does not just test you, it expands you.

The Real Return

What initially feels like selfishness reveals itself as a controlled and temporary reallocation of resources. Time, energy, and attention are directed toward a singular outcome.

Not to abandon others, but to expand what you are capable of bringing back to them.

If you are unwilling to experience a phase where your focus becomes this narrow, you will never access the levels of growth that require it.

Those levels demand more than effort. They demand total alignment. And at times, total alignment can look like isolation.

Leadership Under Pressure

This is where leadership is often misunderstood. Leadership is not always loud. It is not always visible. It is not always outward-facing; at times, leadership is internal.

It is the decision to continue when everything in you questions the path. It is the ability to hold your standards when your capacity is reduced. It is the willingness to go first, to experience the edge, so that when you speak, you are speaking from lived proof. This is leadership through action, and this is philosophy under pressure.

What Actually Carries Forward

The Matter Mentality is not built in comfort. It is not built when things are easy, aligned, and supported from every angle; it is built here.

In the moments where you are forced to reconcile who you believe you are with what is required to continue becoming that person, if that alignment holds, you come out of that phase with something far more valuable than a result.

You come out with expanded capacity, a new baseline, and a deeper understanding of what you are capable of enduring and executing without breaking.

The physique fades, and the stage ends, but that version of you remains, and you will see potential in a completely different light.

• Ben Mayfield-Smith