There’s a silence that comes with growth. Not the peaceful kind, but the kind that presses into your chest and makes you wonder if it’s all worth it. It’s the silence that hits when the people you once called friends stop calling back, when your weekends become a rotation of books, reflection, and work while everyone else seems to be laughing and celebrating. It’s the silence that comes when you realise that the path to becoming who you’re meant to be doesn’t come with a crowd.
I know this silence well. It’s not just a quiet moment; it’s a lonely period—a stage of life where the version of you that existed is no longer welcome, but the version of you that’s coming hasn’t yet found its place. This period isn’t marked by applause, encouragement, or fanfare. It’s marked by solitude. And it’s the period that defines whether you’ll reach the other side or whether you’ll retreat back to where it’s safe.
The Reality Hit in My 20's
The reality of this lonely period didn’t fully hit me until my early twenties, though the seeds of it were planted long before. I’d already experienced the kind of growth that comes from necessity, from enduring pain that forces you to become more than you thought you could be. But when I truly committed to changing my life—not just surviving, but transforming into someone with purpose, drive, and focus—the loneliness became sharper, more defined. It wasn’t just the isolation of being misunderstood; it was the growing distance between me and the world I used to know.
Friends who had been by my side for years suddenly seemed out of sync with me. Conversations that once felt effortless now felt draining. I began to notice how certain relationships thrived on complaining, mediocrity, or just passing time. As I became more focused on self-improvement—on learning, training, and growing—I realised that staying in those circles would mean staying the same. So, I started stepping back. Not with any malice or judgment, but because I knew I couldn’t carry their weight while building myself.
The Sacrifice of Stepping Away
That decision didn’t come without sacrifice. The weekends I once spent laughing with friends became weekends spent alone, immersed in books, lectures, and programs. I remember Saturday nights when the quiet was deafening, scrolling through social media and seeing everyone I knew out at bars or parties, while I was writing notes on business strategies, nutrition protocols, or mindset shifts. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to join them—I did. But I knew that version of my life no longer aligned with the person I wanted to become.
It’s not easy to sit in that discomfort. To watch the life you’ve known to fall away without the guarantee that something better will replace it. I questioned myself constantly. Was I making the right choice? Was it worth it? Would the isolation ever end? The temptation to pick up the phone and call someone, to fall back into those familiar patterns, was always there. But every time I thought about it, I reminded myself why I started.
Testing My Commitment to the Loneliness Period
The lonely period has a way of testing your commitment to your goals. It whispers doubts into your ear: “What if you’re wrong? What if this isn’t worth it? What if no one understands you?” But I learned that the loneliness isn’t there to stop you; it’s there to shape you. It strips away everything that doesn’t align with your vision, leaving you with only the raw truth of who you are and what you’re willing to endure.
One of the most profound shifts during this time came when I began to find the right people. It didn’t happen overnight, but slowly, as I stayed consistent in my pursuit of growth, I began to connect with mentors and peers who shared my vision. These weren’t the people I grew up with or the ones who knew the old version of me. These were people who challenged me, inspired me, and held me accountable to the standards I set for myself. But they didn’t show up until I’d proven to myself that I could stand alone.
Looking back, I can see how those moments of isolation created space for something greater. I met one of my earliest mentors during a period when I was fully immersed in learning and growth. If I hadn’t been willing to sacrifice my time, to say no to distractions, I would’ve missed the opportunity to connect with someone who would guide me to the next level. And as painful as it was to let go of certain friendships, it also freed me to align with people who truly supported my journey.
The Value of Discipline
The lonely period also taught me the value of discipline. Without the noise of social distractions, I had no choice but to confront myself. I couldn’t hide behind excuses or blame others for where I was. The responsibility for my growth was mine alone. So, I leaned into it. I spent hours studying—not because I had to, but because I wanted to be better. I poured myself into training, not just for the physical results, but because it was a way to build mental resilience. Slowly, I began to see the progress. Not just in my body or my knowledge, but in the way I carried myself, in the confidence that came from knowing I was doing the work.
There’s a misconception that the lonely period is something you simply endure until it’s over like a storm you wait out. But the truth is, it’s a necessary stage of transformation. It’s the pruning process, cutting away what no longer serves you so you can grow into what’s next. And yes, it’s painful. It’s uncomfortable to leave behind the familiar, even when you know it’s holding you back. But the discomfort is temporary, and what’s on the other side is worth every moment of doubt and sacrifice.
The relationships I have now—the people who inspire me, support me, and push me to be better—wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t gone through that lonely period. The success I’ve built, the lessons I’ve learned, and the person I’ve become are all products of those moments when it felt like I was walking alone. And that’s the point: growth isn’t supposed to be easy. If it were, everyone would do it. But it’s the willingness to endure the loneliness, to stay committed even when it feels like no one else understands, that separates those who succeed from those who quit.
If You're There Now...
If you’re in that lonely period right now, know that it won’t last forever. The isolation isn’t a sign that you’re on the wrong path; it’s proof that you’re moving forward. The right people will come, but only when you’ve created space for them. And the person you’re becoming is waiting for you on the other side. Keep going. The pain of this moment is temporary, but the growth is permanent.
The lonely period will either break you or make you. The choice is yours.
Ben
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